really real review

Decades – If It Kills Me

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OK – so the reason I am reviewing this is because ‘If it Kills Me’ came up on my twitter feed as one of those promoted tweets — the ones where twitter’s (failing) algorithm predicts what I Might Be Into. Like, for instance, right now I have Smug Man as a promoted tweet:

Well, um, fuck you, Smug Man!

Anyway Decades really sucks. The first 5 or so seconds of ‘If it Kills Me’ are really great, though. The first 5 seconds sounds sort of like ‘The Kills’, funnily enough. Or ‘Yeah Yeah Yeahs’ or one of those melodic rock bands that seemed to grow like a good-natured fungus a few years ago (now I see ‘The Kills’ are on their baby-boomer reunion tour, how time goes by). Then something really terrible happens and vocal harmonies kick in. The engineer puts on Big Budget Production (TM) ie. compressing all fuck out of the track — getting that Big Drum Sound (TM) without an interesting drum sound to make big (the best Big Drum Sound (TM), I guess, might be Phil Collins or Kanye’s use of drums on ‘Dark Twisted Fantasy’ — interesting beats, eh). The whole production kerfuffle makes it sound like Muse. Or rather, a Muse tribute band. Or rather, a Muse tribute band at the end of your friend Susie’s wedding. I hate Muse at the best of times — I think they are the epitome of unimaginative prog rock, the Jethro Tull for a thousand million dull dude-bros doing medical degrees. So here’s how Decades can fix the track: just make the rest of the track sound like the first five seconds. And make it maybe two minutes, max. 3.24 is indulgent – Wagner this is not. C-

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